More Than a Little Messy

I've always had a pretty healthy self-esteem.  My parents used to joke that I was my own best friend (although I'm pretty sure they were mostly serious and not actually joking).  I've kind of always marched to the beat of my own drum, sometimes to my detriment; and probably needless to say, I'm pretty quirky.

There have been a few people in my past who have gotten tired of who I am.  Because, as I have heard, "quirks are only endearing for so long."

And let me tell you - I have a lot of them.

I spill stuff.  All the time.  All over.  I don't purchase anything white.
I break things.  Usually meaningless things, but occasionally the priceless heirloom.
I lose things all the time.  The number of headphones I've purchased or house keys made...oy.
I laugh at things that no one else thinks are funny (and honestly, things that weren't meant to be).
I'm incredibly clumsy.  Trying to figure out where my bruises come from is almost a game.
I listen to audio books.
I dance.  There doesn't have to be music.
I quote movies.  Like...a lot of movies.  I pretty much have no original thoughts.
I listen to Disney soundtracks.
I cry a lot.  Happy, sad - it doesn't matter.  Tears.
I create food combinations like a pregnant woman.
I arrange my food and ketchup each individual fry.
I wear what I like, even if everyone else secretly (or not so secretly) thinks it's hideous.
I hug everyone.  Whether or not I know them.  Whether or not it's awkward.

I'm just weird.  And that's okay - I've always been this way, and frankly, I'm not ashamed of who I am. I like who I am, and I'm happy.

But I'm also human.  Which means every now and then, Satan reminds me that I'm not like everyone else.  Every once in a while, the thought crosses my mind that maybe I should act more like the people around me...try a little more to fit in.  I get frustrated with myself, wishing I could keep myself together.  Every date that doesn't work out, every eye rolled in my direction - there's a hateful little voice in the back of my head, suggesting that "perhaps, if you weren't such a weirdo, he would actually like you back."

To be honest, that's rough.  Everyone wants to be loved for who they are, not in spite of who they are. One of the best guys I know, my brother-in-law, told my sister that he wanted me to find a man who loved me for my quirks; who loved me, simply for being me.

The truth is, though, I've already found Him.  Christ made us in His own image.  He knows our quirks because He created them.

Let me say that again - He created them.

I was reading a parenting article (yes, as a single non-parent) the other day, and heard children described as, "God's creative miracles, uniquely designed with His intentionality."  It completely stunned me.  What an incredible depiction of how our Lord views us!  It was a beautiful reminder that I don't need to become something I'm not in order to fit in.  Because to Jesus, I'm just right - "always enough and never too much." * We don't have to defend ourselves to Him because He doesn't care what others think.  We matter because we are His.

So on hard days of feeling like a weirdo, when someone reminds me that I'm not like everyone else,  and when I'm tempted to conform to fit in, I am reminded to be who I am created to be.  And in case you're wondering?  God doesn't make mistakes.

I will continue living life as God made me - "bold, bright, beautiful, and maybe a little messy." *



* quotes from SoulScripts by Jordan Lee